What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
