I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
