If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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