I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
