dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
