I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Farmville is her only friend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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