hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
