i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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