Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
