I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
