Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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