Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
