There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
