Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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