Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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