but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
