He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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