Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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