HIV tests are more positive than that guy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
