Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
