I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
