sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
