He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
