My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize