hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
