I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
