We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
