well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
