I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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