you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Redeem this text for a blowjob
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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