Please, let me fuck your mom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
