best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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