I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
