i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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