what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
