you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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