I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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