HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
