well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
