How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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