at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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