Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
