every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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