he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
