if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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