Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
