Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
