1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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