if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
