Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
