That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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