paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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