I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
