Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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