Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.