Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful