I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.