my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.