so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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