I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
