I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
